Alright I admit I havent been updating my blog a whole lot and I analogize. Sadly I have been having some problems lately that have prevented me from being able to sit down and write this all out. So Let me bring you up to speed on some of the weeks I missed
The day after Halloween I had a drunk guy grab my bouncer in a violent way, so I run up behind him and dragged him out in a head lock. Sadly the dude had finger nails from hell and managed to rip my sleeve right open. So now I'm down to one work shirt as the other one shrank in the dryer (thanks Roomy) also some stupid fat girl spit on my manager....the aggressive manager...who decided to call the police on the girl and got her dragged out in hand cuffs.
Last friday I got some horrible news and I was too distraught to work. I was there an hour and I walked up to my manager and told him that I had to leave, my emotions were getting the best of me in there.
Saturday was kinda dull too, so my manager decided to cut everyone except one server and me and another doorguy. So Murphy's Law, anything that can go wrong can and will, was in full effect. He cut everyone, next thing you know we were packed. thankfully after having a nice little "talk" with the GM that manager will no longer be running the club thank god. well thats about it, hopefully i have some better stories after work tonight.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Happy Celtic Harvest
Alright last night was Halloween, now I love Halloween, free candy and scantly clad girls cant be beat. Yet, year after year, I always dread working on Halloween. Why? well something insane happened at work last Halloween which I cannot talk about on here, but lets just say it was one of the more horrifying nights of my life (no pun intended). This year was alot better and for once we didnt seem to have any real psychos in the club.
The night started off simple enough, all my guys showed up (cept for one but thats normal). We got the place prepped and ready, and I changed into my costume. I was a door to door mormon complete with black tie and backpack. It was a clever costume that many people actually reconized. Well we opened the club and within the first half hour we were at 250 people, which was amazing, but for that first half hour I had to help the ID checker with the massive line that had developed. Once we got the line through and taken care of it was back inside for me. So I'm walking along lookin for drunks, counting how many Jokers we had (12), and staring at cleavage. 3 hours in and it has been overall a very dissapointing day. See Halloween is kinda like that NASCAR race Talledega. There is always, always that one major crash, it always happens and everyone is waiting for it. Thats Halloween in the club, there is always one major fight, we know its gonna happen and we are all waiting for it.
The DJ calls me to the stage and tells me to kick everyone off the stage. Too many people on stage means that someone is going to kick the wrong cord and shut the music off. Which is exactly what happens when I start pushing people off the stage. The DJ and I are racing around trying to find which cord was kicked while the crowd actually sings the rest of the song that was playing (Jesse's Girl). We get the cord plugged back in and I get everyone off stage when suddenly a car hit the wall and caused a massive pill up, aka the fight we've been expecting breaks loose. I stormed the dance floor pushing people out of the way till I finally got to the opening. Thats when I picked my target, the biggest guy in the fight, ran dropped my shoulders and just slammed into the guy. I wrapped him up and as we were falling I twisted my body mid air and slammed him hard into the ground. He tried to get back up, so I jumped slammed him into the ground again then proceeded to do a judo pin called the scarf hold on him (look it up) when suddenly I feel a bunch of people grab me and my back pack and yank me off of him. Who ever grabbed me off was still holding on so whipped my arm around to break their grips and turned around expecting to have to takle another guy, only to see that is was 4 girls that yanked me off of him. When I looked back at the guy i tackled he had his arms in the air as to surrender and was running out of the club. I look around to realize that I was the only one who broke up the fight, my other bouncers didnt even know it happened. So that was the first time I have ever broken up a fight by myself, and despite a bruised and scraped elbow, I'd say i did a prettyd damn good job.
So moral of the story? Dont fuck with the guy dressed as a Mormon.
The night started off simple enough, all my guys showed up (cept for one but thats normal). We got the place prepped and ready, and I changed into my costume. I was a door to door mormon complete with black tie and backpack. It was a clever costume that many people actually reconized. Well we opened the club and within the first half hour we were at 250 people, which was amazing, but for that first half hour I had to help the ID checker with the massive line that had developed. Once we got the line through and taken care of it was back inside for me. So I'm walking along lookin for drunks, counting how many Jokers we had (12), and staring at cleavage. 3 hours in and it has been overall a very dissapointing day. See Halloween is kinda like that NASCAR race Talledega. There is always, always that one major crash, it always happens and everyone is waiting for it. Thats Halloween in the club, there is always one major fight, we know its gonna happen and we are all waiting for it.
The DJ calls me to the stage and tells me to kick everyone off the stage. Too many people on stage means that someone is going to kick the wrong cord and shut the music off. Which is exactly what happens when I start pushing people off the stage. The DJ and I are racing around trying to find which cord was kicked while the crowd actually sings the rest of the song that was playing (Jesse's Girl). We get the cord plugged back in and I get everyone off stage when suddenly a car hit the wall and caused a massive pill up, aka the fight we've been expecting breaks loose. I stormed the dance floor pushing people out of the way till I finally got to the opening. Thats when I picked my target, the biggest guy in the fight, ran dropped my shoulders and just slammed into the guy. I wrapped him up and as we were falling I twisted my body mid air and slammed him hard into the ground. He tried to get back up, so I jumped slammed him into the ground again then proceeded to do a judo pin called the scarf hold on him (look it up) when suddenly I feel a bunch of people grab me and my back pack and yank me off of him. Who ever grabbed me off was still holding on so whipped my arm around to break their grips and turned around expecting to have to takle another guy, only to see that is was 4 girls that yanked me off of him. When I looked back at the guy i tackled he had his arms in the air as to surrender and was running out of the club. I look around to realize that I was the only one who broke up the fight, my other bouncers didnt even know it happened. So that was the first time I have ever broken up a fight by myself, and despite a bruised and scraped elbow, I'd say i did a prettyd damn good job.
So moral of the story? Dont fuck with the guy dressed as a Mormon.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Random thoughts
So i finally got Wednesdays off work, which is great because my classes are not getting any easier. I also had last weekend off so I could visit my family up north, which is awesome because this town is devouring my soul.
Just read in my health book that those who find sex partners on the internet are more likely to contract an STD. This just in: no shit Sherlock.
Kimbo Slice got his ass beat by a man who weighs 30 pounds less than he does. I dont care how that fight went down, I still think Kimbo can fight a grizzley bear, and win.
Turns out that an 8 hour House marathon really isnt a good excuse to try and get out of work.
Goldfish snacks are amazing, I wonder if they sell them in bulk at Sams club?
Better yet, do they sell condoms in bulk at Sams club?
If the economy gets worse, maybe I can buy some land in mexico and move there, cept not being able to drink their water might drive me a little nuts.
I'm out of thoughts, I'm tired and need to see the doctor tomarrow :( Hopefully all goes well.
Just read in my health book that those who find sex partners on the internet are more likely to contract an STD. This just in: no shit Sherlock.
Kimbo Slice got his ass beat by a man who weighs 30 pounds less than he does. I dont care how that fight went down, I still think Kimbo can fight a grizzley bear, and win.
Turns out that an 8 hour House marathon really isnt a good excuse to try and get out of work.
Goldfish snacks are amazing, I wonder if they sell them in bulk at Sams club?
Better yet, do they sell condoms in bulk at Sams club?
If the economy gets worse, maybe I can buy some land in mexico and move there, cept not being able to drink their water might drive me a little nuts.
I'm out of thoughts, I'm tired and need to see the doctor tomarrow :( Hopefully all goes well.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Bumrushed by Democrats
It's election season, which is my least favorite time of the year. For 3 months people will do nothing but bitch and complain about politics, the candidates argue over issues that are completely irrelevant and not important to the general public, and worstley, the celebrities start to pitch in and voice their choices. Now celebrities have a right to complain about politics and debate certain issues, but I don't think they should push their views and opinions on others using the "ho ho im a celebrity i say vote for this person and you should cause you love me ho ho ho" scheme. Now I'm on the fence on who I'm going to vote for, but lets just say today I may have made up my mind.
I had the glorious oppertunity today of doing dress code instead of security managment. Dress code is were I stand outside with the ID checker and tell people they cant come in, because they are either too drunk or dont go with the dress code. Buisness was slow as usual till I heard that two celebrities were coming into the bar to promote Obama. One of the celebrities was a former star of one of my favorite shows so I honestly thought this was a big deal. ( Sadly I did not get to meet or see him) So here i was standing outside with the ID checker and my manager. Suddenly 4 people from the obama campaign went walking by, followed by one of my servers. I looked at the server and said, "what are you doing out here?" and he replied "they walked out on their tab!" and hurried off to chase them down. So that sealed the deal, If the presidents campaign workers walk out on their tabs, then what says that their president doesnt walk out on his tabs too? So I guess I know who I'm gonna vote for now ;)
So some time passes and the celebrities leave. My ID checker had to take a piss so I was the only one outside to check ID's and enforce the dress code. I wasnt nervous at all until this happened. A group of 10 girls ran up to me, asking if Adam was still there (Adam was the celebrity). I told them that he left about a half hour ago. So up walks one of my bartenders to help promote the club, all of a sudden one of the girls yells "is that Adam? I think thats Adam" pointing to the bartender. Next thing you know I got 10 girls trying to plow me over to get to my bartender, I did my best to stop them but sadly nothing worked. I just got tossed aside like a rag doll while the girls ran at my bartender. That was the first moment I have ever felt nervous at work. Not when the sober guy threatened to kill me, not when the one asshole said he had a gun, no I was nervous because 10 drunk girls decided to rush me all at the same time.
Lastly. Drunk people smoking, almost as funny as drunk people trying to read, accept not as sad.
I had the glorious oppertunity today of doing dress code instead of security managment. Dress code is were I stand outside with the ID checker and tell people they cant come in, because they are either too drunk or dont go with the dress code. Buisness was slow as usual till I heard that two celebrities were coming into the bar to promote Obama. One of the celebrities was a former star of one of my favorite shows so I honestly thought this was a big deal. ( Sadly I did not get to meet or see him) So here i was standing outside with the ID checker and my manager. Suddenly 4 people from the obama campaign went walking by, followed by one of my servers. I looked at the server and said, "what are you doing out here?" and he replied "they walked out on their tab!" and hurried off to chase them down. So that sealed the deal, If the presidents campaign workers walk out on their tabs, then what says that their president doesnt walk out on his tabs too? So I guess I know who I'm gonna vote for now ;)
So some time passes and the celebrities leave. My ID checker had to take a piss so I was the only one outside to check ID's and enforce the dress code. I wasnt nervous at all until this happened. A group of 10 girls ran up to me, asking if Adam was still there (Adam was the celebrity). I told them that he left about a half hour ago. So up walks one of my bartenders to help promote the club, all of a sudden one of the girls yells "is that Adam? I think thats Adam" pointing to the bartender. Next thing you know I got 10 girls trying to plow me over to get to my bartender, I did my best to stop them but sadly nothing worked. I just got tossed aside like a rag doll while the girls ran at my bartender. That was the first moment I have ever felt nervous at work. Not when the sober guy threatened to kill me, not when the one asshole said he had a gun, no I was nervous because 10 drunk girls decided to rush me all at the same time.
Lastly. Drunk people smoking, almost as funny as drunk people trying to read, accept not as sad.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
coming out and dancing penises
You can learn alot about someone when they are drunk. You can find out their life story, their thoughts on politics, how important they are, how much they love you, how much they hate you, what they want to do to you because they love you so much, the list goes on. Last night however I had a drunk telling me a we bit too much about himself. The man was causing a ruckus so of course we had to kick him out. So Badass walks the drunk guy to the door when the drunk guy stopped dead in his tracks turned around, got in Badass's face, and proceeded to tell us the following information: "I've fucked so many guys! I've fucked so many guys!"(repeated about 7 times). I thought he was trying to say "I've fucked up so many guys!", then he muttered "I've rolled in more dicks than you have pussy!" and finished with "I'm from Texas!, you messing with a southern boy!". So here we have a drunk texan confessing his love for other men, which begs the question, what would his parents say if they heard him saying that? Makes me ponder.
So a word of advice to all the guys out there. If you go out clubbing and you are expecting to dance with some good looking women, please dont wear baggy pants, we do not need to see your errection. Thank you. Also to the women, please stop dancing with guys who are wearing baggy pants, you are partly to blame for the erractions. This is why I never patrol the dance floor.
So a word of advice to all the guys out there. If you go out clubbing and you are expecting to dance with some good looking women, please dont wear baggy pants, we do not need to see your errection. Thank you. Also to the women, please stop dancing with guys who are wearing baggy pants, you are partly to blame for the erractions. This is why I never patrol the dance floor.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
one week later
Well sorry for the late update, i had one hell of a crazy week. last week my buddy got into a bicycle accident, he is fine, he only had a concussion and several cuts and scrapes. So being a good friend I took over his shift at work. And boy was it an interesting night.
The One that got away.
I was outside doing ID check when I saw a cop pull up behind a guy and turn on his lights. So what does the guy do? He goes to pull into a parking garage (which was what he was doing before the cop showed up) presses the button, gate goes up he gets in. Cop pulls up to the gate, gate comes down, and the big neon sign flashes FULL. The cop kept hitting the button to get the gate open but alas it didnt work. Twas hilarous
Drunken Annoying
I had a girl walk up to the front door and I asked for her ID. She started looking through her purse but alas couldnt find it. She started freaking out then looked at me and said she'll be right back. An hour goes by. Girl comes back. Again I ask for her ID, and again she starts freaking out. At this point her high pitch whines are starting to get to me. She said she'll give me her purse, or her check book and even a kiss to let her in: No no and no. So finally our regular cop walks up to our bar. He frequently comes to check on our bar, make sure everything is in order and that no one underage is inside. So i look at the cop and said "hey he can verify your ID" knowing that the cop will hopefully be able to get rid of her. So the cop asks the girl whats wrong and the girl goes on her whining tiriad of "my roomates have my ID so they wont let me in" so the cop asks, "well how old are you?" The girl replied "twenty". Well that just sealed the deal and sure enough the cop got her to leave. How police officers have zen like patience i will never know.
Weekend's suck
Yeah Friday and Saturday sucked, we were packed and understaffed. We got out at 4am each night, thats pushing it even for me. The only interesting thing that happened over the weekend was the fact that I made a girl cry. No, not because I insulted her or acted like an ass. She was crying because I told her she was too drunk to get into the bar. Of course upon hearing that she started whimpering and tearing up. While she was whimpering i was trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.
I have to work tomarrow night even though i have loads of studying I need to get done. Oh well could be worse. Also I cannot express this enough, when you ride your bike please please please wear a helmet, if my buddy wasnt wearing his helmet when he got into the crash, well to put it bluntly he would not be here with us today.
The One that got away.
I was outside doing ID check when I saw a cop pull up behind a guy and turn on his lights. So what does the guy do? He goes to pull into a parking garage (which was what he was doing before the cop showed up) presses the button, gate goes up he gets in. Cop pulls up to the gate, gate comes down, and the big neon sign flashes FULL. The cop kept hitting the button to get the gate open but alas it didnt work. Twas hilarous
Drunken Annoying
I had a girl walk up to the front door and I asked for her ID. She started looking through her purse but alas couldnt find it. She started freaking out then looked at me and said she'll be right back. An hour goes by. Girl comes back. Again I ask for her ID, and again she starts freaking out. At this point her high pitch whines are starting to get to me. She said she'll give me her purse, or her check book and even a kiss to let her in: No no and no. So finally our regular cop walks up to our bar. He frequently comes to check on our bar, make sure everything is in order and that no one underage is inside. So i look at the cop and said "hey he can verify your ID" knowing that the cop will hopefully be able to get rid of her. So the cop asks the girl whats wrong and the girl goes on her whining tiriad of "my roomates have my ID so they wont let me in" so the cop asks, "well how old are you?" The girl replied "twenty". Well that just sealed the deal and sure enough the cop got her to leave. How police officers have zen like patience i will never know.
Weekend's suck
Yeah Friday and Saturday sucked, we were packed and understaffed. We got out at 4am each night, thats pushing it even for me. The only interesting thing that happened over the weekend was the fact that I made a girl cry. No, not because I insulted her or acted like an ass. She was crying because I told her she was too drunk to get into the bar. Of course upon hearing that she started whimpering and tearing up. While she was whimpering i was trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.
I have to work tomarrow night even though i have loads of studying I need to get done. Oh well could be worse. Also I cannot express this enough, when you ride your bike please please please wear a helmet, if my buddy wasnt wearing his helmet when he got into the crash, well to put it bluntly he would not be here with us today.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Desprite times calls for despirate measures....and sanitizer
I love having tall guys as bouncers. They have an intimidation factor that you just cant get out of anyone under 6'1, which is why I love having the Giant on my side, and last night I used this to a complete advantage.
Last night I saw a guy and a girl making out just outside of the bathrooms. Being the smart guy I am (sometimes) I decided to watch and make sure they weren't going to become indecent. Well I got distracted for a split second and looked back over towards the bathrooms and sure enough, the lovebirds were gone. So I made a guess as to were they where at and walked right into the mens bathroom. I walked up to the big handicap stall and I could hear something, but i needed to be sure, thus I summoned the Giant. I told the Giant to go into the bathroom check out the stall and report back to me. The Giant walked in and walked back out and signaled me into the bathroom. See the giant is 6'10, much taller than your average bathroom stall so the Giant has a great view of everything around him. The Giant peaked over the stall and low and behold, saw the girl on her knees, giving the guy a blow job. So we knocked on the door and told them "alright kids funs over you gotta get out" to where a man at a urinal shouted "ooooooooooooooooh snap!"
The man came out trying to put his pants back on. He had a shit eating grin but was very red in the face. The girl on the other hand, her eyes were huge and was also red in the face. We escorted them out without a problem, I was even able to throw in a "you kids have a fun night now!" when we got to the door.
At closing I made sure that the newest bouncer used extra sanitizer in the handicap stall.
Last night I saw a guy and a girl making out just outside of the bathrooms. Being the smart guy I am (sometimes) I decided to watch and make sure they weren't going to become indecent. Well I got distracted for a split second and looked back over towards the bathrooms and sure enough, the lovebirds were gone. So I made a guess as to were they where at and walked right into the mens bathroom. I walked up to the big handicap stall and I could hear something, but i needed to be sure, thus I summoned the Giant. I told the Giant to go into the bathroom check out the stall and report back to me. The Giant walked in and walked back out and signaled me into the bathroom. See the giant is 6'10, much taller than your average bathroom stall so the Giant has a great view of everything around him. The Giant peaked over the stall and low and behold, saw the girl on her knees, giving the guy a blow job. So we knocked on the door and told them "alright kids funs over you gotta get out" to where a man at a urinal shouted "ooooooooooooooooh snap!"
The man came out trying to put his pants back on. He had a shit eating grin but was very red in the face. The girl on the other hand, her eyes were huge and was also red in the face. We escorted them out without a problem, I was even able to throw in a "you kids have a fun night now!" when we got to the door.
At closing I made sure that the newest bouncer used extra sanitizer in the handicap stall.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)